Monday, January 24, 2011
the color of my skin is beautiful
Ive been so wrapped up in how people percieve SG- I have not though till now what SG might feel about me. My 10 year highschool reunion is comming up this year- can you believe I am that old?? Its been 9 years since we got married and over 6years since we lived in Illinois. Goodness how time flys by. Well anyway-I was thinking -Oh Ive got to do this- Ive got to do that, Ill have to make sure my nails and hair is done soon before because I always have had fake nails and fake blonde hair since then- and then I was thinking Ill need to start tanning again. So I dont see anything wrong with wanting to look tan in a swimsuit- I have no problem with someone(and me) using a tanning bed- as long as its not in extreme-but I think you ought to be able to go make that choice without people judging you-but I got to thinking- well even though I love being tan- and it makes me feel better about myself, and if it just so happened to fall in the summertimme- chances are Ill be tan, but I usually do go to a tanning bed in the summer- YES yall! and let me tell you why: With my heart condition- extreme heat and heat in general- aka sweating etc can be a trigger for me and cause me to pass out- you know passing out for me- isnt just loosing conciousness- I actually have my blood pressure drop to like stroke level and before I have a stroke I pass out- so the tanning bed is a good quick not to hot way for me to get tan- by not having to lay in the heat all day by the pool- and with a baby- who can do that anymore these days? But back to the tan baby Ive got I have wanted her to grow up knowing how beautiful she is- even if she is diffrent from some people in her family- mabe she does have darker tan skin that hawaiaiian tan we all long for-but I want her to know its beautiful- that is the way God made her and its beautiful- God made her this way for a reason. It wasnt an accident- she wasnt an accident, God used the sperm and egg He knew would make this baby- and He knew all along we would be her parents-and she wasn't given to us at a discounted price or anything because someone didnt want her- she was very wanted- and loved. and still is- she is loved by her biological family as well- they loved her and wanted her as much as us- just loved her enough to give her the best they could offer- that she with us could have a mother and a father and the best we could give- not because we just got her out of the dumpster or something because she was disguarded. I have heard people say that- oh thats sad- her birth mother didnt want her- and thats NOT true at all- if she were in the position where she could give her a family and a chance at this life she would have- but she made the ultimate sacrifice for the daughter she carried... So saying all that- I feel strongly as you can see about SG knowing shes diffrent- and beautiful for a reason- keep it that way- be proud, so brings me back to thinking about the tanning thing- if God wanted me to be that color- he would have meade me that color- yes granted He gave us as humans the intelligence to make tanning beds- but my point is- that if I am tring to teach SG all these things about herslef- I need to live by them- dont I? God chose me and Justin as fair skinned as we both are- and brought us together as a family so we could related to the masses- and just as much as I think SG was chosen for this purpose- I got to thinking- isnt that the same thing my mother was tring to say when I wanted a boob job when I was younger and the tanning factor now- so I wonder- am I becomming mature now- or am I becomming my mother?