Tuesday, January 25, 2011

bad parenting? I was just "resting" my eyes...

OMG! I offically have neglected my child. I usually am awake the entire time she is;I do'nt have another choice when Justin's at work- it's all on me which means I'm exausted. Still I don't even know how I do it. BUt I apparently fell neglectful for a minute today.
This morning- started off on the wrong foot- my coffee maker apparently didn't have enough coffee in it and it was too watered down so I opted not to drink it, then to my suprise when I went to get a diet coke instead-I realized ALL the cokes we have are decaf. So onward went the day- til naptime (and SG wasn't asleep yet) She was sitting and playing on the floor right beside me- and I was laying down on the couch with my glasses off- and my eyes closed. Just "resting my eyes" as my mammaw used to say- but apparently I did dose off. When I woke up- I sat up and put my glasses on- because without them or contacts Im blind-which is probaby why I did'nt realize she'd done this before that point. But I sat up and looked at what she was playing with and I saw the biggest mess EVER- she had gotten my emergency kit I use for my danceline and gotten EVERYthing out of it- ALL the bandaids which is probably hundereds was opened and disected and strown all over the floor as if she were cracking peanuts. I looked beyond, and low and behold this confetti stretched into the adjancet playroom,and I was so stunned I did'nt really know what to do. Of course I have a lady from KSLA comming to interview me for a tv appearance to promote awareness for the upcomming AHA"Go Red" event for heart disease. But at any rate- I would like my house to be presentable. Of course she does this today. So I am obviously so tired that I just picked her up- and put her in her crib and closed the door- I was so mad at her and myself for letting her do it- that I just walked out and closed the door and told her it was naptime. I usually am much more considerate than that. She cried and I told her shen she woke up she'd have to clean it. So we both did what we needed and took a nap. After we both got up- I gave her a trashbag and told her she would have to clean it, that it's not fair to me to have to clean a mess I didn't make- I am reasoning with a two year old I realize but it's worth a shot. So with so much to still get done on my agenda today-I've got to supervise this cleanup. It looks like shes one of those jailbaits on the chain gang going to pick up trash on community service. Thats what this reminds me of: making her clean this makes me feel like I'm mistreating her-but I know part of me knows I'm making her realize responsibility for her actions. So as it approaches late afternoon...I am letting my prisoner take a break and watch Elmo. So I wonder- was the act of me fallling asleep-bad parenting? or is the act of making her clean this mess bad parenting? I wonder if I'm considered neglectful. How come when it's something you did'nt do -when it involves your kids- you end up feeling guilty anyway? I promise-I was only "resting" my eyes......

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