I am realizing that being grown- isnt the number-age you are. Its the amount of hard stuff you have to do. Like it ALL falls on ME to clean my house-and I am getting together all my junk for a garage sale and wiping the house out-anything not used in 2months is gone! You think I'm joking? Not-No No I'm Not!!

You know it's this way... I was holding onto so much "stuff" I thought the "sin" would be to sell it after I selfishly bought it at some ridiculus price etc- so Ive held onto everything- and since I didnt carry a baby- I can still fit into cloths from highschool-10yrs later I may add..whhoo hoo So it dawned on me the other day that it would be a sin- so to speak to keep all this when there really are people that need it. And I have grown in my spiritual journey since I hit 29ys old,lol and I know all I need is Christ and the family and I can walk anywhere with the cloths on my back, and God will provide. You know recently there have been some things that have come up-that have really made me stop and think about it all. And I really realized I am NOT scared anymore. I'm not scared to go anywhere-now I avoid harmful things of course but I am not scared to walk into a room and just talk to anyone-because I feel like God willl lead me to the conversation I was soposed to have with them,and now that we have put Angel down-I am experiencing-a shift-so to speak. The last 14 years, when Justin is gone for work or any reason. I always had Angel- to hear a "booger" comming and protect me. And now the house is so very quiet-and I find myself sitting in the quiet making stuff up that I hear- and get scared. Its occured to me this last night that God wants me to rely on Him again. So when I am alone-I am soposed to ask HIm for help-and rely on Him and not the dog. Which is weird to do-because its almost like what on earth will God do if someone breaks into my house and kills me, dont get any ideas-you pyscos that are reading this. But God may not come rushing to my aid-but that person will be judged. They will have to be acocuntable to God-and I can let Him take care of that. So eventually they would be causght- and if not here on earth, they will when they meet their maker-remembering to the "time change" in heaven: its only a blip in time before we all Get to heaven-and so when you think about all these people that are free-walking around doing crimes-and unchristian things. Its sometimes agravating to think they do what they want and get away with it- or for so long-but now that I think about it...it's just a few minutes here we spend on earth to God-but eternity is forever.