The FIRST blog from 2008 posted originally on FB. **this would be a good place to start**

This is the original post"Notes" or discussions I wrote when I opened up my business facebook account. Some of these points have been redundant, I know....but apparently it had been erased after some recent changes on the offical FB site. I was recently made aware that THIS start of the story wasn't even here to begin with.(shout out to my new "friend" I met in the check out line at Albertsons-you know who u are-) So if YOU are NEW to Me...Meganisms or Graciecakes with Glistening Grace- just start here and work on back...

My name is Megan, and I must take this opportunity to tell you my story and to share that God answers prayers. Remember 1min is to 1,000yrs to God, and I prayed desprately for a child for over 8yrs-God really did it in less than 10minutes!So I guess I was impatient for no reason-God says "Ask and you shall recieve" I did- and He answered my prayers immediatly in His timing.I am born and raised in Shreveport, married to my high school sweetheart. We certainly imagined thats how our story would continue to unfold-like the typical fairy tale. Our lives were drastically changed when at 21, I was diagnosed with heart disease with absolutely no family history. We were just starting to rebuild our lives when in October of 2008 I lost consciousness , although I don't remember I can tell you that I drifted across 3 lanes of traffic while entering I-20. I was on the phone with my mother as my car rode the railing over 50 feet in the air until my car finally came to a stop. After a follow up with my cardiologist he said he thought I'd suffered a "cardiac arrest" which is where your heart completely stops. Most people are not as fortunate, and must have their heart shocked back with a defibulator and some do not ever wake up. I was scheduled for heart surgery a month later. To place a pacemaker/defibulator or monitor. They didn't actually know what they would do until the actual surgery. I was also told that I couldn't get pregnant as carrying a baby would put too much strain on my heart. During that month long waiting period, we were contacted concerning a local girl who was planning to put her baby up for adoption and hadn't decided on an adoptive family. I immediately contacted my cardiologist as I was unsure of the recovery time after my impending surgery. We met with the birth family and decided that it was a match! Many of my friends actually encouraged me to decline the offer. They were afraid of the stress it may cause if the plan fell apart as the state of Louisiana allows the birth mother 5 days after the birth to change her mind. After much prayer my husband and I were prepared to go forward. This is something typical God would do-send us a baby while awaiting heart surgery. I used that time to convince myself that I must survive the surgery and get strong enough to be the mother I'd always imagined. The surgery was a success-and my cardiologist found a birth defect in my heart and was able to correct the problem for now. Two weeks into my recovery our daughter Sara-Grace was born, and we were there for the whole thing and brought her home without a nursery prepared! We named her Sara:because she was the one in the Bible who had a child in God's timing. Grace: because it was certainly by God's grace we were given this child. I now take daily medication to maintain a somewhat normal life along with a healthy lifestyle. Since I am unable to hold a full time job, I stay at home with our daughter. This business was solely created for me to find a way I could stay at home, stay well and make some extra money to help pay for the finances we weren't prepared for. After much prayer and thought-I came up with "Graciecakes with Glistening Grace" Please enjoy

Uncertian-but CERTIANLY true...

Well how busy it has been here. We are on the job hunt. Tring to locate a job worth taking- to bring our Daddy home. I am so blessed that I have the man in my life that actually WANTS to be home with me right? I have so many thoughts about such a life changing moment in our lives. As the oil spill in the Gulf has changed so many lifes of families who's jobs were effected-it's strange to think after this many months- that it's still affecting lives. Of all those who have lost their livelyhood just after it happened, and the miltitude of wifes who's husband who could't provide for them- after one spill- and the multitude of children who's daddies didn't have jobs, its hard to imagine that we are potentially in the same perdiciment. Now-after all the layoffs that we survived. Round one- then two and then round three. Of the men who were demoted or "bumped" down or like us-the ones who's hours changed so drastically-these few of us families who survived. We have been so grateful that we just had a daddy with a job. When the 14on and 14 off then switch to 21 on and 21off we remained happy that we just had a "job". The time has come where- a decision has to be made-in weighing-how worth all the effort and time spent away really all is.

Now-that all the rigs are moving overseas-to employee the thousands of non american men-who I am sure need jobs-it's becomming more clear to me that this American woman- wants her American man at home.

As this chapter-in our lives is unfolding, it's kinda scarey to think of walking away. Or waiting til the final layoff finally reaches us. We are all affected. The household conversations that are taking place everywhere right now-I know that our problems seem so small. So even looking at this as just a season of change. The decisions and things that need to be addressed are scarey and so adult-I can't help but to remind myself of how far we have really come. That we are finally old enough to make life changing decisions like this- or to have life altering events make them for us. I am just glad that no matter what happens or what's decided. That I have my family- that at least wants to be together. I know that with so much that is yet undecided-I know that the one thing that IS, is that God will provide. I look around me and remember that God did- provide me with what I needed. He gave me the strength to rise above my health and give me a reason to become strong, He gave me the daughter that I was ALWAYS meant to have, and He gave me the husband that would be strong enough for the both of us on the days that I am not- and He has given me the tangable reminder of my Faith-in this precious gift in Sara-Grace. I can't help but to look around this house, and down the hall at my daughter's room that is finally filled with the baby I had always dreamed of- and with so much uncertianlty-He had given me CERTIAN truth. The TRUTH that He is always with me, and that none of this is by chance. None of any of this is by chance, and that He is the one that is in control. And I am just so grateful that-when moments like this rock my boat-and the waves of doubt rush over me- the calm in the storm is steadfast and true. The Lord is with me....

The 2yrs worth of housework finally has caught up with me...the price I pay for the memories I've made.

you know- I look around this mess of a house- and was getting overwhelmed a bit-wondering how in the world we aquired all this stuff.All this stuff thats not relavant,where did it all come from? I keep pulling things from the cabinets and closets I haven't seen in years, and then it hits me-I remember, for the past two years I have been shoving everything in those cabinets and closets.

Back when I told myself- that these days of Sara-Grace being so small I could rock to sleep- and the days that she's begging for me to hold her-I told myself it would be just a moment in time-that I'd never get back and I wasn't wasting any of those precious moments on house work-the house work would still be there-I'd say: and sure enough, now these days she can put herself to bed- and doesn't need to be held as often, and is becomming more independant has left me more time to actually aknowledge the mess I've closed the door to this entire time. So now, yes now- two years later-I am finally catching up on the past two years of housework-organizing and purging.In the grand scheme of things- that dirty floor, that I chose not to mop-because Sara-Grace said "Mommy hold me" and I did...I'm just so glad I went against my instincts-and I chose the time with my baby-I would so regret looking back now wishing that I'd waited on cleaning the bathroom just to get that one night back to rock her to sleep-I can honestly say-I don't have a moment in Sara-Grace's life I wish I could get back- and do again, I can look back and know I didn't miss anything, I don't wish I'd done anything diffrent, I have cherished every single moment and second that God has given to me with this precious child of mine. I am so grateful to have a husband-who ,didn't demand perfection from me, and who works so hard to provide a life that I can stay home and be here with our baby, if it meant we had to live in a cardboard box-I'd still stay home, to be here with her for every moment I begged God for . So to all the new mothers: yes it's true- the time with your baby is so limited, enjoy and cherish it. The sleepless nights are to be moments you thank God for-when you rock them back to sleep-but as they say "the housework will still be there" and I am a testiment-in the long run it's worth it-but my advice is to plan on budgeting for a maid when your finally ready to get started.lol

Mother's Day in a Hooters shirt...

Sitting on my back steps wearing a Hooter's of New Orleans shirt, I'm watching my husband and daughter use sidewalk chalk-I'm thinking about Mother's Day tomorrow, and thinking it's probably not appropriate to leave my house now in it. Funny-I really didn't know how having children would change your entire way of thinking. Thinking about how you'd embarrass them-or yourself-thinking about "being somebody's mother". Meaning even when I'm out and about with out her-I still have to think"I'm somebodys mother" and so I gotta dress and act like it-when shes with me or not. I like the best of them-like flattering cloths, and"good fitted"tops, and never minded showing off what "God let me buy" but-I don't know if it's finding GOd again, or being the mother or both, or maybe getting old, but I'm glad to have someone to embarrass, and I like having to sensor my conversationsa dn tv-because without all the little things,like the broken up crayons and undressed baby dolls that lay naked all over my house, and the pile of stinky diapers that stay outside my door almost all the time-It would mean I didn't have this...all this-looking around, THIS is exactly what I asked for.

Jealous or Just on my own...

Its seems like when my Justin comes home- I'm busier than ever-I thought it would be the other way around, where I'd get a break. But No...I am happy when he's home though, he is truly my best friend and I can tell him anything. Really-we tell eachother everything. This go round,we made a promise to not have any secrets, and so we are not bound by the lies that we so often tell ourself to try and justify our actions. I love that about him. I have heard from other friends that are married that do not tell eachother everything-and I used to fit in that catagory.you know this year we will have been together as longs as we were apart, meaning we were just 15 when we started dating-and being thirty this next year-it's hard to believe it's been that long.But to stand the test of time-we must be doing something right. I imagine it's our friendship. It's hard when he's at work-because I don't have him at my disposal-and til now,have depended mostly on my parents. But my parents seem to be busy with their own lifes,and I have been shifted to the back of the priority list. It's occured to me that reaching this milestone, that one would have expected it sooner-but truthfully-I did'nt expect it at all. I was the type person when everything eventfull happened to me-I called my dear mother to share the news. Our family dynamic has changed though and although I totally understand why,I am suprised and hurt. I'm sure some don't have pity for me-but you have to admit,that it's reasonable for me to feel shafted. To spare you all the details, my mother had us three kids by her first husband. My father-her second husband-adopted me when I was younger-and I was raised like an only child. My brother and sister are 11 and 15 years older than me, and have had kids of their own a long time ago-so we have never had too much in common, until I got Sara-Grace. In fact I remember my highschool graduation and my sister flew in from Misourri and I had some of my own friends say-"I didn't know you had a sister" such as the story of my life. But now for whatever reason-my brothers two oldest children are living with my parents-and bless their hearts-need all the attention I imagine. I have to say though I feel shafted. I will go to my parents house-and it seems like there is an argument every time I go-and it's always "my fault" usually my "attitude". I continued to go over-and call. But as of this morning-it's finally dawned on me that I am growing up. I have a friend that I said I knew was brought into my life because she was so much like me-in her own way we had alot in common. I always have said that I knew she was a part of my life because when I lost my mother-she'd be the one I talk to. I sopose she'd be the one to call over my stupid little funny things. But this morning-it came to me that it might be that God sent her to me for this moment right here. I am soposed to be in a meeting in a few hours and she was soposed to come with me-my mother that is-and she informed me this morning that she was busy with something else today. Now why she couldn't have told me this yesterday or the day before when I was over there-I do not know. So after spending the morning in tears I have decided that I will pick myself by my bootstraps-and depend on God. I think that I am definatly sad over my mom- and I feel like she owed me an explaination-and I know she's been put in an odd situation-but I can't help but feel resentful. I am resentful to my brother for getting to the point that he would allow his children to life with anyone other than himself-and to put the responsibility on "my" parents financially and "time" wise was selfish. I am very angry at him- and I don't know in light of everythin thats gone one- if I will ever be able to forgive him. But I must say that I feel resentful tward his kids. Aweful-I know. but it's the truth. They are "my" parents. It seems like ever since they have had the kids(who are teenagers by the way) they are too busy for me. The thing is- that one of my concerns-is the fact that my parents will spend all this energy and then later have the rug pulled out from under them. Again. I mean-my parents have never had the relationship between my siblings-as they have with me, and I have been used to it. Why shouldn't I be. I have been the number one priority for how many years now-and the apple so to speak of both their eyes- but now I feel like theyv'e moved on. My worldly side- and my natural reaction is to be vindictive-and angry-and keep my child from attending the preschool where my mother teaches. And my reaction is to be mad at all of them-I do feel like Iv'e had a loss though. I am grieving this loss of my childhood-which seems to have all started with the dumb dog. I'm saying that since my dear Angel went onto be with the Lord- I have been resisting the change. The change in the perception of my life. The dog represented the child like me- she was a part of my every memory with my husband. Whn I've been alone- even though I have another dog- I depended on her to keep me company. 14 years worth of company- and whn I moved to Illinois a few years I did have to go for a brief time without her-but I eventually brought her along. So in essence the dog was my saftey net. Now I kinda feel like I'm alone. I will recognize that the Holy Spirt is telling me that I am not alone. And I can do this- I can be the mother of this house. Like my husband said- I am the one that he and Sara-Grace depend on. And as much as I depended on my parents- now I have to be the "mother". I am the glue that hold "this family" together. Like my husband said we are a family. We are my family. This is my family. here-is where I belong. being the backbone of this household- and isn't that our goal. In most instances-what we all want to achieve. I did anyway-I wanted to be the housewife-and the mother. I always said that's what I wanted to be- and now, it's just now occured to me that- instead of me "becomming" this mom-this wife-and this glue that holds "this family" together-I already "AM"...

The adult me-that's evolving-sometimes suprises even me...

If I could make a face using a colon and parenthesis showing you my fingers in my ears and steam coming out behind them, with my eyes quenched up and my tongue out- I would be beginning this post with one...

Don't ask me why- because I've asked myself and I can't seem to really answer my own question. I'm at a place currently - where, I have really been adjusting to the changes in my household. I have no longer my constant companion- (my dead dog-Angel) and now for the first time in nearly 14years am adjusting to NOT having my first born furry child.

It seems that every thing sad in my life, the loss of the two pregnancy's the loss of my fertility, my health and the loss of some friendships and family members in the last 8-10years have all just accumulated and I haven't dealt with any of the sadness or loss until now. I feel like for the first time in my life- that I have had to take some accountability for my actions.With the loss of our shared dog- it's the end of an era, the end of the child like part of ourselves and our relationship. The loss of Angel-is the end of us as kids- and the beginning to being parents to a human baby this go round, and being the grown up versions of ourselves.

It's easy for me to always blame my husband for all my craziness when we were in college-meaning: I was very sheltered until I met him- he taught me many ways of the world, and I often will convince myself that I would have never jumped off the deep end- if he hadn't first. So there has been a level of accountability that I have not taken accountability for. So it seems that somehow- in loosing our dog, it has triggered something in me. I don't know if it's the act of making the first real adult decision in having her put to sleep and having done that has aided me into feeling more adult minded. It was a very grown up decision to decide to do that (how's that for a "run on" sentence?!) But nonetheless- I've been giving my past a little review, and realizing that I need to take ownership for my past decisions, good and bad.

And in this prayerful meditation- the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me that "once you are saved-you are always saved" Once you are a parent- you have unconditional love for your child- and now I can see how God has unconditional love for us as His children. So in taking a look at my prior convictions- as the devil tries to tell me-I'm worthless-and not good, and damaged merchandise. The Lord keeps reminding me that I AM as pure as the freshly fallen snow. That His Son He sent to us- washed me clean of anything I could ever regret or be embarrassed or feel guilty for. So as my flesh wants to harbor on the negative things, and beat myself up- and tell myself I do not deserve this life or my child or my marriage, the Lord keeps instilling in me- that I am forgiven- all has been forsaken,and since Jesus has taken my sin and my embarrassment and my guilt- I have nothing to be shameful of. So I can be joyful in the Lord, I can be joyful for what I do have, and I do not owe anything to be able to live freely. I don't have to sit and wonder when the rug will be pulled out from under us- and these blessings will be snatched away from us. God has forgiven me-and the debt has been paid- and I as the child of God that I am- do not owe any debts because my Father bailed me out already..."There is joy in the presence of the angels of God when one sinner changes his heart and his life." Luke 15:10 NCV.(my daily devotional today- funny how God gives you what you need- when you need it)

I am realizing that being grown- isnt the number-age you are. Its the amount of hard stuff you have to do. Like it ALL falls on ME to clean my house-and I am getting together all my junk for a garage sale and wiping the house out-anything not used in 2months is gone! You think I'm joking? Not-No No I'm Not!!

You know it's this way... I was holding onto so much "stuff" I thought the "sin" would be to sell it after I selfishly bought it at some ridiculus price etc- so Ive held onto everything- and since I didnt carry a baby- I can still fit into cloths from highschool-10yrs later I may add..whhoo hoo So it dawned on me the other day that it would be a sin- so to speak to keep all this when there really are people that need it. And I have grown in my spiritual journey since I hit 29ys old,lol and I know all I need is Christ and the family and I can walk anywhere with the cloths on my back, and God will provide. You know recently there have been some things that have come up-that have really made me stop and think about it all. And I really realized I am NOT scared anymore. I'm not scared to go anywhere-now I avoid harmful things of course but I am not scared to walk into a room and just talk to anyone-because I feel like God willl lead me to the conversation I was soposed to have with them,and now that we have put Angel down-I am experiencing-a shift-so to speak. The last 14 years, when Justin is gone for work or any reason. I always had Angel- to hear a "booger" comming and protect me. And now the house is so very quiet-and I find myself sitting in the quiet making stuff up that I hear- and get scared. Its occured to me this last night that God wants me to rely on Him again. So when I am alone-I am soposed to ask HIm for help-and rely on Him and not the dog. Which is weird to do-because its almost like what on earth will God do if someone breaks into my house and kills me, dont get any ideas-you pyscos that are reading this. But God may not come rushing to my aid-but that person will be judged. They will have to be acocuntable to God-and I can let Him take care of that. So eventually they would be causght- and if not here on earth, they will when they meet their maker-remembering to the "time change" in heaven: its only a blip in time before we all Get to heaven-and so when you think about all these people that are free-walking around doing crimes-and unchristian things. Its sometimes agravating to think they do what they want and get away with it- or for so long-but now that I think about it...it's just a few minutes here we spend on earth to God-but eternity is forever.