Who will take me as "we" are?

As Christians we are taught that everything bad, everything wrong, every shred of doubt worry or anxiety comes from the one whose sole purpose is to Steal, Kill, and Destroy. He is none other than the trouble maker, the temptation wrought fallen angel. Satan himself.
I was taking my Sara-Grace to her K4 program this morning, a morning that should have left me reeling with love and satisfaction and pride in getting us this far, maybe even a few tears-to cry for the Momma in me who sees the new born infant placed in my arms, and now sees a beautifully growing four year old. One would think, I would be all consumed with feelings of emotional imbalance from sending her off on this first day of PreK or in satisfaction in knowing I'm getting a schedule back and a routine rather than a fly by the seat of your pants kinda summer, I became wrought...with fear, aniety, and doubt.
I began to in the midst of my normal emotions, have thoughts of sadness. Sadness for the fact that it's me, alone. The sole parent to do all these things with her and for her. Although the burden is lifted for me, with the loving support of my family. The horrible thought crept in-of what if THIS IS IT? What is I'm it? What if I don't ever find love again, what if I am a SINGLE MOTHER for the rest of her life? What THEN? Panic stricken driving her to school I put on the Klove Christian radio station and hoped that the feelings of failure and self worth would subside, but it didn't. As I drove her all I could think about was me, selfishly me. And who will want me? I'm at the age where the single population of men either have been divorced and come with children or they have never been married and want children. How do I know that any of them will want me? and my child. Not just love me, but adore me-and my quirky honest no holds barr kinda way about me? Then I thought-I am lovable, I have that kind of personality that is outgoing and can usually find common ground with anyone-so for a moment I thought to myself. I'll be fine. Someone will love me... but will someone ove my child the way I do? will someone step up and be the Father to her? Will anyone ever see her the way I see her-? Will they see the blessing in her existence? Or will they see it as a baggage, like oh" yes I like Megan-and in order to like Megan or marry Megan I have to take on the responsibility of her four year old too...will they see that as a good thing? Truthfully?? I don't know, men who don't have kids...will they be satisfied in knowing that SG could be it?! That it's not like "oh we can always have more children together" because thats not so...
See as women we are born to the baby carriers-what if they find out I can't do that, what if they realize the cost of adoption and they are not open to more? I am so intent and satisfied with my one! would he? I see myself with more, some days, but would he? Adoption is a scary and expensive road, is it something he would want or I would want? What if he has kids too? Whats gonna happen if the kids and my kid don't get along? Whats gonna happen to my SG if she suddenly has siblings when she's never had them before. What's gonna happen if we decide to adopt later-will SG feel replaced? not sufficient? She's gonna struggle with that already. What in the world do I have to offer any man at this point except: Me and my Daughter. Will that be enough? Is it possible for a man to really want us both? and mean it? How will I know he means it? How will I know he's not like some of the others out there that just make an effort to love your child until they make you fall in love with them? OMG How will I know? How do I trust that? How can I trust him? How will I decipher all the feelings of guilt in asking him to provide for us both, asking him to be responsible for us both?
As I'm rattling all these thoughts-I calmly walk in to the school as if the chaotic questions are not bouncing around in my head. I put on a brave face, even though I wanted to cry. I held myself together in the sentiment of this being the start of a new school season- and SG is from a "broken" family. And I kiss her good bye, wish her a good day, and began to walk out.
It strikes me...I do have THAT man. THAT man who will wake me up every morning, and remind me of the beauty of my struggle. THE man, who will calm my fears, who will drown my sorrows and will lift me up on the days I am too weak to carry us. THAT man who is the perfect mate. THAT man who is the perfect father. THE man who will set an example for my child. THAT man who will make sure my standards are HIGH. THE man, who won't let me settle. THE man who will love Sara-Grace with a love even her Mother can't give. I already have THAT man. There is NO need to look any further. My defeat has been broken, my emptiness has been substituted with satisfaction. My anxiety has been delivered, my fears have vanished.
 HE is the exact opposite of the one who came to steal my joy this morning, HIS salvation is what saves me from that one who wants to kill me. HIS love and grace and mercy can repair any obstacle that was sent to destroy me...
I am reminded this morning-that any relationship needs One on One time. Needs to be nourished with time with the other. You need getaways, a honeymoon period, a time to fall in love. A time to build a foundation and trust and friendship. I am reminded of the times I have set aside by myself with Him. The proof in the letters He has written just for me. The times I have Him in music. The times I can dance in His presence. The journey I've gone back to-to renew my vows with HIM!
This-I'm guessing is what they call, revelation. That light bulb moment. One of the moments you look back on a realize-it finally just sunk in. THIS is what they have been talking about...

Divorce Sucks! (this is more for the PG13/R Christian)

Well as Christians, we are told time and again, that God HATEs divorce. Least that's the report I get from all the people who do not know the entire situation, or who have been lead to believe that as well. The other thing I was lead to believe-was that there was only one unforgivable fault worth divorcing your spouse, and it was the big red letter "A" marked on your chest.
Well-it's not to hard to figure out that I disagree. I do not disagree with God- by any means, and I'm sure He hates divorce. As does every other person who has gone through one. But I have to say-in my time of prayer, and seeking God on this subject: I have found that divorce can be used as a "public way to admit one's fault, or wrong, or past mistake"( however you wanna sugar coat it) And I don't know about you- but the God I serve, He is Merciful and full of Grace and He love's a humble heart.
I believe when you go before God- you make a comitiment and you take a vow- you are making that between your spouse, AND God. And for all you judgmental divorce critics-I ask you to ask yourself if you have considered this: Just as I went before God- to ask if this was the person or time I was to marry them, I did the same thing about wanting outta the deal. Just like when I sought God-to give me an answer to guide me to THE person, I asked Him if I should renig on it. It was a carefully planned out thing- planned just almost as well as my wedding.
Now granted- in my seeking God's approval on men-in my life. I have not necessarily waited on the Lord's Divine answer. Often times I have totally jumped the gun, run to the arms of my flesh and forgot who I was and what my convictions are. So..in saying that, yes God may hate divorce. But I think He equally hates my impatience.
I think the people we marry-often dictate where we are in life, not necessarily who we want to become, or who we feel called to be or the life we feel lead to live. At a certain point, you have to admit you cannot grow. And MOVE on. I don't believe we should be stifled by the mistakes we make. We should be allowed to use them and grow from them just like we are expected to do in our relationship with God. Just as if I were living in "sin" yesterday should dictate me "living in sin my whole life". At a certain point: certain people do not bring out the best in you, they may bring you down or they may do nothing at all except take the joy out of your spirit. I believe in marriage I do- I believe in monogamy and I believe that God set it up for a reason, to be a certain way. When you deviate from it or try and do it on your own terms it makes for a difficult challenging road. And truthfully the road I want to follow is the one that's paved in gold. I am saved, by the blood of  the lamb- and I assure you my divorce(s) are not the ultimate sin of all sins I have ever committed. I am a sinner-STRAIGHT up. Real as it gets and the only way I can rectify my mistakes is to own up to them and change my behavior. So-that's what this sorry no good divorce is doing.
Divorce SUCKS! It stinks, it blows-there's NOTHING good about it-except giving yourself and or your child(ren) the chance to be better than you were the day before.
If you have never been divorced-props to YOU, really- I intended at one point in my life to be just like you. I wish more than anything the happily ever after had panned out- and I have the knowledge now- to know- going into it. Who I am through God, who I want the new man to be in God and where I want our lives to end working for the glory of God- and I can't help but to think at some point down the road. Instead of my tragedy of a fail in a marriage,  it might just be the victory God uses to bring others to Him in a way- that people that refuse to talk about it or discuss it could.

BACK in the game!

Ok ya'll- It's been quite the change in events since the last entry...I'm going to be back blogging again- and will be letting you know best I can what you have missed! I am now a "statisticly single mother" and have lots to say about what NOT to do- and how this whole new chapter in our lives has been going. So once again-I'll back track...but today is NOT the day for this LONG story-or any of it.
So-In short I will say... My Sara-Grace and I are in a really good place. My focus has been on building a solid foundation which the only way to do is through God! His GRACE is overflowing and His Mercy ABUNDANT!
Like I have said so many times before: Grace is God Giving us what we don't deserve and Mercy is Him NOT giving us what we do deserve!
Thank YOU God for second chances upon second chances and upon more chances-My stance is FIRM, my expectations ARE GREAT, and so far-I have only found ONE MAN strong enough to provide what I am requiring for me and my precious baby-who ya'll is NOW FOUR!! That Man-is our Savior! I've been born again for many years-but in the last few God has been working on me-requiring me to be something more. Calling me to do something (which is) I know for one-teaching Sara-Grace what to be in a Godly Woman, and servant of Christ! I must be who I think she should be-I must be married to the man I think she deserves and I mus live a life that I think she is worthy of living... So that all being said. The story continues. The book should be written-for the chapters keep getting better and better. Thankful for my constant support system, my family, my friends, and my groups that hold me accountable! Keep your eyes open- as I find some time-to get back in the swing of this writing thing-and share how God's moving and using us!
XO-
Megan

ECA GLORY GIRLS 2012-CAMP INFO

Hello Mommas-
this may be a repeat email for some of you- but I have had problems with my gmail recognizing some addresses which I cannot recieve confirmation on and want ALL of you to see this.
I will verify this all by text for you too. Most all of you New Gals got a phoe call this past week- so I hope u have whatever questions answered. I know my verteran moms know how I opperate and generally wait for a text and follow the lead! (they r good like that :)) So heres a bit about us- where we are in our lives- why we do this and whats to plan for:
I started at ECA in Elm School. Then as I entered Highschool I met my boyfrriend at 15years old. We dated all thru school and he played football and I danced on the Wings Daneline. Now some of you may not know this- which is hard for me to say- but ECA was a National Championship Team at one point- and they actuall were in a classification out of our league and still were the ones to beat! Go Eagles! But there was a time between 1997-2000/2001 that ECA NEVER LOST A FOOTBALL GAME. Now thats a record worth being proud of- and that Chapionship ring with all the bling and diamonds I got to wear on my necklace is impressive for sureno matter how old you are. Any rate- is it obvious I have great memories of this place and am totally sold out to ECA. But I never thought this would be the side of the field Id be on. After our HS Graduation-2001 my boyfriend and I became engaged/married: He's Justin "Big Mac " McIntyre- I used to be Megan Heiserman. Anyway- we got married the Christmas after graduation- that year we moved to Illinois because Justin had a full football scholarship to a Division One School in the MAC Confrence Northern Illinois University  west of Chicage(your husbands will have more knowledge about this girls) I went onto the University of Chicago School of Dentistry where I took my studies. But there we were just starting out so far from home. To keep this shorter- Justin was majored in Kinesiology where he would become a college football coach- and I was working in denatl offices and planning to be a Mother- who stayed home one day/
Then I gues with all the stress in my life- at 21 It triggered something in m where I started experiencing alot of abnormal symptoms-like shortness of breath an dizzyness and blurred vision- and I was trying to see my doctors here in town for a diagnoisis. After a time- I as diagnosed with  Heart/Nurological Condition (for all our medical Mommas) with Neurocardiogenic Syncope- aand was constantly having a rapid heartrate which man wore me out! After about 3 years in Illinois- Justin flipped a switch and decided to be backhome in Shreveport-so here-back we were. Taking medication and lifestyle changes I was doing pretty well and expected to be fine. Then in 2008- while I was driving my car( and Justin was working offshore at the time) I was getting onto I-20 right in fornt of Earnest- u know- headed downtown people- SERIOUSLY on the overpass how many feet above ground? I was talking to Mom on the cell when she heard me drop the phone- and she'll tell you the Holy Spirit told her to come find me. She and my Dad listened on the phone to all the road noise then heard the knocking of a woman who was asking if I was alright. By this point my Mom had gotten there to my crash site and was able to tell the ER what was going on. Can you believe my foot fell off the gas when I went unconcious and my car slowly drived across the lanes of traffic until it got to the railing and scrapped down the rail until it finally just stopped. Needless to say it could have been bad. After the hospital visit- we found out I had suffered a Sudden Cardiac Arrest- and stats show- only like some 5% of people ever regain conciousness after that. But By the grace of God I did-my cardiologist basically put me on the schedule to do surgery for a few weeks later. Now back up a minute- we were tring to hav a baby during all this time before I dropped  dead-lol. I had, two misscarriages and was starting vaious fertility treatments trying to see how to go from there- So back to the current- The Dr schedules me for surg. and says- Go home- Dont strain or lift anything- and dont come back pregnant. He says- I'm sorry- I know you want a baby- but you wont be able to have any this way-Megan. It will be too  hard on your heart.
So we wait- for that Day in November. Quietly- I didnt tell many people except close friends and family- because honestly I was scared- and I thought if I did die- I didnt want my parents to be overwhelmed with people at the hospital- So-as the weeks approached- we recieved a phonecall telling us that Justin's Mom had a friend who had a family member who was expecting a baby who needed parents. They ask-are we intrested- and OF COURSE we were- not knowing anything or having any money set aside or anything. Low and behold-yall and you can only believe this story-because your Christians because Im telling you its too awesome! Two weeks before my surgery we met with the birth family- and decided mutually that this was something we all wanted to pursue. So we got the ball rolling with attorneys and friends doing favors. I had my surgery and we didnt tell anyone- keeping my heath a secret in hopes it wouldnt make them change their minds about us- and while I was in surgery the Dr end up repairing the flaw- Then two weeks after that while at home recovering- our baby girl Sara-Grace Elizabeth was born.(Sara-because she was the one in the Bible who had a baby in Gods timing- and Grace-by the Grace of God-she was given to us.Seriously) So we were at the hospital, and althogh it wasnt the way I imagined it being-it was a beautiful answer to so many of Gods prayers. We brought our baby home from the hospital and I went to Cardiac Rehab building my strength. all the while Mom had Sara-Grace in her carrier in that waiting room day in and day out.lol. When I was finally stong enough my Drs suggest I have a complete Historectomy so after 6months I went in for that. After recovering from so much-it finally seemed like things were calming down a bit.
Then after much prayer- we were dicussing school options- and I said- well I dont think there is a Elm Dance group. Finding out more I realized they were willing to have me build one-so with the baby on my hip- we statarted out in our first season of Glory Girls. Mind you-my Mom always thinks my being a dance teacher is an answer for her prayers because I was a baby who was born with a hip and knee rotation and had to wear braces on my legs-so Mom gets such happiness seeing Im able to teach dance. Which if our story just topped there- it would be AMAZING nonetheless. But it doesnt. Last season: My Mom-Judi Heiserman was complaining of chest pains.After what we knew about me: we urged her to see a dr who thought it may be angina, we were all watching closely and after a Friday football game-that following Sat morning-she sufers a cardiac arrest of her own. Now thankfully, my Dad was a witness and he and my nephew able to give CPR while she was unconcious. Unlike me-I came right back out of it, alone in my car-God restared my heart-but Moms had the defibulator. Well this changed things this time- and I remember finding all this out- and deciding then-Mom was going to die. That God couldn't save both of us. He wouldn't save us both. I had survived and now we were loosing her. Then God told me I was putting limitations on Him. That He was able to move mountians. And so my mindframe began to change. I immediatly called a Glory Girl Mom- and asked her to call the team and have all parents pray. Then and there: I let the church know I needed them to hit their knees. So by that Sunday Morning-Phillip lead that service into prayer for her.The entire congregation all together as so many others were that day-lifting Mom up in prayer. Well she survives-too. To tell her story. After Mom undergoing open heart bypass surgery for a artery in spasm. She was coming back into conciousness and that woman- still had her arm taped to a board and was waking up. I said-Momma-youve survived. Your going to be ok. She took her little arm and slowly raising it slowly spoke and in a very shallow and strained voice says-GIVE GOD THE GLORY.... and I knew she was back! So after the tables had turned-I drove my Mom to the cardiac Rehab. I had Sara-Grace in the waiting room while she was rebuilding her strength and this past off season after football was getting her strength and body back to normal. So needless to say- we shut down this last year. Im so grateful for my Mommas in prayer with me and the understanding they gave while we were dealing with this. It was truly where I was soposed  to be at the time so Id have the support Id need at that time...So in learning more about us- and why our hearts are so involved in this- The Glory Girls get to see me and Sara-Grace and Momma at all the practices helping out-and the girls get to see how it's a good thing to have a relationship with your Mom-so we are builing so many healthy relationships. I remember when I was recovering-and my Mom said:Megan-if I could take your pain from you I would. If I could do it for you I would-and its the unconditional love a Mother gives that will give u the desire to do that for Sara-Grace. When Mom was lying in the hospital God spoke to my heart telling me to tell her-that she did. She was able to make the sacrifice for me- for her daughter. Hopefully now they can learn from her condition and keep me from going through the same thing-and keep me here long and well to be the mother Sara-Grace was soposed to have all along. So I know this story is redundant to some of you- but MORE THAN HALF of you are new to the squad this year- and thats more than half who needed this LONG email to tell you where we stand in the midst of all of this. Seriously I cannot describe the blessings God has give my family-but with these blesssings comes the responsibility I believe to share the testimony. So now- u know a bit more about us-and how we feel like there has been so much to be had- but the "Best is always Yet To Come!"
CAMP DATES: will be this next THURSDAY /FRIDAY and SATUERDAY. drop off THURSDAY (1-6p) Drop off Friday 1-6, but the girls will have a "lock in" to spend the night there overnight. So you essentially will send the girls Friday and pick up Saturday at NOON. When we are schedulde to put on a preformance and "show off" what they learned. So make sure to pack overnight on Friday- and make sure to be back for the show by NOON Sat. afternnoon to head home!
** we have instructors comming from The Shreveport Met. Ballet, and a niece of mine from Misourri State who is flying down to teach and a Wings alumni and of course me-teaching the girls the basics of team spirit-and basic dance formations- basic dance moves and what they will need to work on. They will learn some dance routines too.
COST$$$: As most of you knew before school was out- we'd have Camp Cost- and believ me: Ive stretched it AS LONG as I can-but $100 is due this week. You may mail a payment-or cash/check or whatever to me directly: Make any checks payable to me:Megan McIntyre- where you can mail it to 178 Patton AVe Shreveport 71105. In normal circumstances local mail comes next day-but if you feel like you may not can make the deadline- feel free if you r on this side of town to stop and drop in my mailbox like so many of you have already done (thank you) My house is between youree dr and kings-across from the duckpond sandwiched between the pond and ACSteere. I have to order the girls Camp t-shirts-and pay our teachers and buy some things for gifts and prizes and snacks and all before our big weekend! So make sure you get your's to me ASAP. You will need to let me know- what size your daughter is-so I can order the tshirt for her. You may email or text 344-3750 or attach a memo to your payment.
YOU NEED to purchace: Black Jazz Pants(full length) and Black Jazz shoes( either the lace up or slip on ankl height will be fine) and if they need socks-make sure you include black ones please. You can send the girls Thursday in anything on top- and I will pass out shirts then. You can find these items at Shreveport Gymnastics or Academy Sports.This will carry them onto the school year.
PLAN FOR: packing water bottles or drinks Thursday-and feed lunch before they arrive. We will have a snack provied mid way thru. Friday plan to send sleeping bags-PJs-and the following FUN PARTY ITEMS: ur favorite movie-(well watch as many as we can-lol)your favorite nail polish-(well attempt to have a polish party)and your favorite suffed animal.(just because some girls r going to be staying away from Momma the first time) PS-u r welcome to stay with us if your child needs u to-
PAYMENTS: The school wanted all dues paid up front this year before school even started but I know that is hard for many of us on a budget so I have planned two payments. The minimum inital fee of $200 will be DUE SATURDAY at camp like last year. I will b measuring the girls for uniforms which I will need to order and get delivered in time with props and poms and all the cute accesories Im planning for them. The remaining $200 will be due at th first after school practice.If we need to make any payment arrangements-between me you and the althetic department we can make plans for that if you need to-but we will need the full first payment for your deposit. This year we will be including the whole school year, so after the fball season ends and school starts back in the new year GGs will be in full swing like normal
(-most spirit groups end after fball season)
SAVE THE DATE: For our 2nd Annual Mother/GMother Tea at Moms house(503 Forest Ave Shreveprt71104) We get all dressed in hats and prissy and pull out the china tea cups and silver so well have a date to remember. It will be great for the girls Saturday August 11th right before school starts for them to get to have some friends to have in common and for all us Moms to meet eachother. You will recieve a formal invitation to the TeaParty at camp. 
SCHOOL STARTS: and our first afterschool practice will be Monday Aug.20 2:45-5. What happens on Mondays-will be you send ur childs practice uniforms with them. I will pick them up afterschool in the front foyer by the couches- I will take them to the bathroom and change and walk them over to the gym. This year we will give the girls a snack and then practice til 5pm where you will pick up in the gym. Practices will be every Monday after school from the 20th on.

That should sum up the announcements for now-
I know this e-mail was long-but I felt like it needed to be told to the new families joing our team. We are looking forward to all the plans for this season and all the memories we will be making-and a hope or two we might end the fball season with a trip to the Superdome! It'll be lots of fun and we are looking forward to meeting you and your girls.... Looing forward to joining you to our family this week!
Megan Heiserman McIntyre

Twinkle Twinkle little star...

Well-here is a new piture from tonight, with two of my favorite people. It brings me to my point-not to diminish them two- and I can say all this because they know my heart and I am not saying they are insignificant at all because they know how purposeful I think they each are-especailly to me. But I say all that to say this: whn I got this picture sent to me via Facebook tonight- I couldnt help but do what every woman does each time they see themselves, a reflection of what they see. You scrutinize your looks, your posture, and your outfit or hair- and you dont even mean to do it- it just happens naturally. Its almost instinctive to be critical of yourself -I think how thats more crazyI am even willing to dive into. But-back on the subject at hand: I looked at this picture- and I thought for a brief glace- hummm who's that blonde who caught my eye first? the one in the middle-me(im talking about-wink wink-dua!) but I thought-hummm she's attractive-and then I realized in that same instance it was me-after I made the picture big enough on my cell phone to really see the darn thing(like I hate it when i get a picture on there that is as big as literal "thumbnail" it makes me have catarac problems) but-after I saw it- I sighed a bit and thought- ohh , its only me.
Then-it was like the Lord spoke to my spirit-once again. And said to me-look how without posing-or planning where to stand or what positions to make- naturally because of positioning at the party I ended  up in the middle of the picture. (just like my Momma always said- I ended up in the middle of the Wings dancleine formations in highschool preformances just because of my size and or height or whatever) but I somehow make it to the middle-or least this time specifically. Anyway-God says to me-Megan: of course you are my shining light. You were the one who stood out because that is what I expected you to do. To stand out- but for God-. Be the confident , attractive, woman-I created you to be- be confident though in this image to represent me. You have been given this as a gift-that uncanning ability to walk into a room and be noticed. That ability comes with great responsibility-to be the one who will speak up for what God has done for me- what He has forgiven ME for and what He has done to save me and my poor undeserving soul. But I have a responsibility and a duty-to carry the confidence of Christ.
When Jesus had to carry the cross to his death hill (I made that up just now-kinda like death bed-lol) but when Jesus was walking there- He was hunched over and tiredsome and worndown and beated and scorned. You know- for a King- He didnt walk very proud. Or stand up tall. Or kill them with kindness-she showed his weakness and flaws and saddness and pain. And a new perspective was laid upon my heart: to think that I am hypethetically Jesus  re-incarnated.(I CERTIANLY do not mean I am Jesus- but you get the point) but if Jesus lives in me- and dwells within me- then isnt my body the way He can now walk in pride? Think about it-not in a pridefull mannr- but with pride I should say- If this was like the movie Ghost or something and Jesus literally came into your body and took it over for a day- do you really picture Him walking around with that same saddness or pain He had on that cross?
No-I dont. I think He would carry His new found shell with a sense of pride for what He acomplished in making it. He would let the world see Him- and let the shell work in His favor and draw people in and draw their attention, and bring the closer and get to know them and listen to them and care for them and share the things He learned and the wonderful things His Father gave Him already and the excitement of what is to come with meeting Him back on the other side.
So- wow- there is a crazy long-round about way- of saying: We all posess this dont we? We all have this ability to use our shell and shine our light for God. And I'm just beginning to realize and really comprehend exactally what that responsibility entails....
                                                                                            Until Next Time-
                                                                                                        -M

TheShreveport Times FRONT pg LIVING sect: Says: TWO MIRACLES, ONE FAMILY-but the truth is:the list of Miracles in our family r too numerous2count...

this is what I posted under the article for The Shreveport Times in the article posted this week:

I'm sure you can all tell by now- that I DO NOT re-read and proff any of my articles bc I know I would over think and edit ALOT due to being scared to step on toes- or to offend people and to just plain- try and conform to what the world thinks I should say.

I'm in prayer constantly over when to write and when to post and what to say-
If God goves me a word- I write it, and I try very very hard to make sure its not what I want to say but what He HAS me say,
I felt like I needed to walk through that door and let God use me to post whatever the following words were for whoever needed them.
After a few days and comments later- I took the time- and very emotionally read it to my Mother- who was very emotional as well- and together over the phonecall read the following article I posted there for the world to read.
These are sincere words from my heart- and without any forethought I posted them publically. I have NEVER had the guts to do that before this blog- or the postitive renforcement from you all in passing.
I know many hearts have been touched- including mine and that of my family. But I also want you all to know that I do this- I speak MY truth as I see it, and although my views may not be like yours, I ask you to take the moment to try and see where I come from. The position I am in.... and how God has given me NO CHOICE but to be the person to stand up- even if I am really knealing over my computer right now- trying to hurry off to bed- but....
You have to see... my words are my way to express to you....my truth.
My truth is: that GOD is who saved me, and us and ALL of you who are my closest friends. So many of our lives have been changed if not by MY story but by the one I share for Sara-Grace or of my Mother.
Heres the article and a link to TST Article by Melody Brumble:
Thank you for your positive feedback! We ARE all very very Blessed and Thankful that we have been able to have a new chance at life, and in enjoying our family together. My favorite part about supporting the AHA in town is because the monies raised here stays here. Like so many have stated before-but I can testify to the fact that in the recent years since my involvement in the GoRed Campaign I have benefited from the research and findings at our local LSU Med Center Heart Disease CAN and will strike anybody. It can be yourself or your Mother and anyone in between. It can affect your life and will of those around you. It presented a problem for me most women my age NEVER think about-and ultimatly forced me to rethink the plans for parenthood my husband and I had always dreamed of. It was at the time of my Cardiac Arrest and Surgery we learned of our miracle gift from God- "Sara-Grace Elizabeth" and how God gave me the love of a Mother so I would get strength to care for a new baby I would bring home from the hospital just a mere few weeks after my heart surgery. Just when I thought my heart was breaking-it was being healed when God sent a family to give us the "gift" we thought by then we would never recieve. I tell Sara-Grace all the time that she's healed my heart-she gave me a reason to live and a reason to push through the hard days and a reason to be stronger and better. It was MY mother who helped me through that difficult time, of learning how to become a mother while relearning how to live my life and the new lifestyle changes I would have to make. One thing my Momma always said when I had those inevitable bad days-she said if there were any way she could do this for me she would...she would say-you will too Megan. With Sara-Grace you will too be willing to do anything for her so that she won't hurt. Sometimes you can't though. I know as a Mother it must have been difficult to watch me go through in the past few years we have been getting back to a "New Normal". It was when I stood over my Mom's bedside right after she had been taken off life support and was breathing on her own, that I realized it had happened! She DID save me, she HAS put herself through something so I would maybe not have to. Until Mom's Cardiac Arrest-I had been the only family member diagnosed with a Heart Disorder or Condition. But after her diagnosis and after we have learned so much about her condition the end result is exactally what she taught me. As a Mother- you will do what you have to- to save your child. Mom has done that for me by paving the way so maybe I won't ever have to. It in turn has made me so grateful for what she's willing to do for me-and ultimatly for my child. Every day we have-is another day to make a differnce. It starts in your own family though. I have seen what Heart Disease can do to just one family, and can see how among a family of broken hearts how a family of healed hearts can come out of it. We can help stop this for other families. I know thats why we have this story to tell, because of ALL the people who you would think had heart disorders we may be the last ones. Certianly not. Heart Disease shows no discrimination. It can happen to anyone. At ANY time and for ANY reason. You can do many things now to help improve your chances and stay healthy-but you can also fall prey after doing it all right. You have to be educated for either of those senarios. You need to recognize the warning signs of your body and those of the people you love. When something is "off" you need to take notice. If you don't feel right you need to speak up, and if you don't get the answers you may be looking for- listen to that "inner voice, or Holy Spirit" heed-your bodies warnings. Heed your Doctors warnings stand up for yourself. Sometimes as women we put our own needs last. I will do whatever I have to so that MY child will have a Mother. I will make sure I put myself in th ebest possible environment so that my daughter will not have to grow up motherless. I've seen my Mother fight. And not for herself because she's to humble for that. But I've seen her stand in to the fight for me...which gives anyone who hears our story a new perspective. I though for sure we would loose Mom this time- I thought after my story of salvation and adopting our daughter was the best God could do-but I see my faith wasn't even that of a mustard seed as of yet and look at what I was given. A second chance at life, a chance at Motherhood, and now a story to help make a difference. I appriciate the time taken to read my words, certianly not gramarically correct-and certianly not politically correct. But after you have been through what we've been through-sometimes you have no other choice but to sing God's Praise. -Megan-Ashley Elizabeth Heiserman McIntyre Read my Facebook site set up to share my story for more details: Graciecakes with Glistening Grace
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.shreveporttimes.com%2Farticle%2F20120211%2FLIVING02%2F202110305%3Ffb_comment_id%3Dfbc_10150860049179657_36493821_10150861041414657&h=-AQHG4JtrAQHSuwYt5yqwAn_JZZd2PuoDyn-ktZxIUOa4Cw
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Mother, daughter survive heart disorders http://www.shreveporttimes.com/A scar in the middle of Judi Heiserman's chest is the only visible reminder of the day her life hung in the balance.LikeUnlike · · Unfollow PostFollow Post · Saturday at 12:04pm

I had to "update" my info section on my personal FB profile: it is redundant in some spots-but I negate:

Our story is amazing- Heart surgery and a baby within a month! A historectomy within that same year! Wheeeewww! Its been quite a ride! I'm glad it's starting to get "normal" around here!! Remembering life before our daughter, all we went through before her. Now-Im realizing that all the things we went through was just making me the person I needed to be, so that I could be the mother I should be. I am married to my highschool sweetheart, Justin McIntyre a.k.a. "Big Mac" we are about to celebrate 15yrs together now. We have a mentally challenged partially blind maltise-Bruizer we brought home from Illinois when Justin played football for NIU.And after 13 wonderful years with her,we have just sent our Angel to be with the Lord(my present Justin bought me for Christmas when we were 16yrs old!My puppy w/a big red bow,best present till 2008 for sure!) We live here in Shreveport, in Broadmore in our "dream house" I started dreaming we'd start a family in over fifteen years ago. God RESTORED my marriage and gave me the husband I had always prayed for from the best friend I'd always had. We have adopted our "miracle" daughter Sara-Grace Elizabeth McIntyre and love being parents. I love watching how she can melt my husbands heart. We prayed and endured alot and are thankful and humble that we finally,after many years together have her. If you haven't heard the whole story please read my post on FB: Graciecakes with Glistening Grace and BlogSpot: Meganisms. That year was a hard one and a wonderful one at the same time. I was recovering from my heart surgery and welcoming home a baby at the same time. When God does it-He does it BIG!I am just now getting my energy back from the heart surgery and a full historectomy all in one year! Its taking me this past few years of intense physical rehab physical therapy and MULTIPLE day surgeries and medication concoctions to try and repair damages done to my body from the endometriousis and heart disease I never knew I had and to get my energy back and be cleared to start building my confidence back in driving! Who woulda known it would be two full years before driving alone again?! Its been the best thing though-letting myself depend on God, and my husband more. Letting me learn my limitations I never would have in a million years thought in my 20's I'd have had this all done and be reeling through the emotions of all of it! Justin worked offshore until recently,after he finished college from NIU and our stent in Illinois for a few years(shout out ya'll Yankee friends). Currently I am still a stay at homemaker, mom and craft queen. This past year I've been working on getting my strength back and embarked on starting a new dance program at Evangel. After months of prayer I realized I was being called to go back to where our story began-I am so enjoying starting the Elm dance "Glory Girls" and being able to give back to the place that gave us so much-and where all my most happiest memories are. I love being back dancing and taking my daughter to the school to show her where mommy and daddy began-teaching her who God is and surrounding her with the beauty of God's creations. I know so many lives have been changed including our own by some of the choices we have made and not made, and I am happy to say that with the grace of God-He is using ALL of them to help bring people to Him. I'm so grateful for loving patient people that support me and anything I tend to get myself into.My close handful of family and friends I let into our secret society. We are both turning 30 this year while our Sara-Grace is turning 3, so many things are starting to make sense and so many words I am taking right back-now that I have been humbled enough before God to admit that my parents were so very right on so very much. I am a big volunteer for the American Heart Association here in Shreveport and am a headlining spokes person- where I make multiple TV appearances and magizine interviews and small group womens and bible groups. Basically anyone who wants to have me tell my story: I feel led by God to do whatever I can to shout it from the rooftops. I was diagnosed with heart disease when I was 21, without any family history or reason to believe thats what diagnosis I would have, within months was diagnoised with a heart condition and endometriousis near the same time and its drastically changed our lives. Between the two most tragic diagnosis I could have imagined. Endometriousis is a painful female disease which not only affects your physical well being but also your fertility. After years of surgeries and fertility treatments and rounds of cemotherapy and the loss of two babies-I think God made it abundantly clear to me that persuing a pregnancy was't going to be my "traditional" way of becomming a mother. I was heart broken in more ways than one. After many second opinions and doctors from all over the United States-I finally had to heed my cardiologist warnings when I suffered a sudden cardiac arrest (aka-heart attack-but when you completly drop dead,sounds bad-yes-bc it is) while I was behind the wheel of my car driving on an overpass on the interstate. God saved me that day and gave me the one thing a few days later I'd always wanted. The knowledge of the baby I'd always prayed for. Justin and I and our friends and families rallied in prayer to see us through an emotional time but one we kept very private-because I didn't want to cause a fuss or draw attention to myself or people think I was wanting the attention on or for myself. But things changed for me when a few months ago-after I had been the ONLY one with these diagnosis in my family-my Momma -Mrs. Judi Heiserman dropped dead from a sudden cardiac arrest as well. Because I have a father who is in love with my mother they are still together like newly weds and he-was thankfully there to help SAVE her while breathing oxygen to her brain and organs until the paramedics could defibulate her heart into starting again. Then- in a set of circumstances I found myself SO FIMILAR in. - I didn't keep it quiet. I decided that the only chance my mom may have at survival was the prayer from the same people who prayed for me-and it gave me such a new appriciation of what my parents and loved ones must have felt when I had this exact senario happen three years prior. I have since decided that it is my responsibility as a Christian believer-that I am to tell EVERYONE of what God has done. Not just for me- but these blessings and blessings upon blessings God is giving my family. How can I say I am so blessed after so much many people ask me-and my reply is always the same. I prayed for another chance with my husband, for another chance to say and do all the things that I'd wished I had and to seek forgiveness from the wrongs I had made. I asked God for a baby-and to be a mother, and even though she didn't grow in my womb SHE IS the baby that I always was praying for. And when I was on my knees asking God how to handle the death of my mother he gave me hope in answering my prayers and saving her life as He had mine, so how can I NOT feel blessed. Heart disease can strike anybody at any age and is the #1 killer among women above breast cancer. I am very intrested in changing the way the world views the face of heart disease, and education in prevention.We have had a wonderful life together and are best friends and really looking forward to living the testimony that God has planned for us."The Best is Yet to Come". Please hit me up-ask me whatever questions ! My life is an open book- God gave me this testimony because I'd be outspoken enough to share it! LOL. Seriously!

The FIRST blog from 2008 posted originally on FB. **this would be a good place to start**

This is the original post"Notes" or discussions I wrote when I opened up my business facebook account. Some of these points have been redundant, I know....but apparently it had been erased after some recent changes on the offical FB site. I was recently made aware that THIS start of the story wasn't even here to begin with.(shout out to my new "friend" I met in the check out line at Albertsons-you know who u are-) So if YOU are NEW to Me...Meganisms or Graciecakes with Glistening Grace- just start here and work on back...

My name is Megan, and I must take this opportunity to tell you my story and to share that God answers prayers. Remember 1min is to 1,000yrs to God, and I prayed desprately for a child for over 8yrs-God really did it in less than 10minutes!So I guess I was impatient for no reason-God says "Ask and you shall recieve" I did- and He answered my prayers immediatly in His timing.I am born and raised in Shreveport, married to my high school sweetheart. We certainly imagined thats how our story would continue to unfold-like the typical fairy tale. Our lives were drastically changed when at 21, I was diagnosed with heart disease with absolutely no family history. We were just starting to rebuild our lives when in October of 2008 I lost consciousness , although I don't remember I can tell you that I drifted across 3 lanes of traffic while entering I-20. I was on the phone with my mother as my car rode the railing over 50 feet in the air until my car finally came to a stop. After a follow up with my cardiologist he said he thought I'd suffered a "cardiac arrest" which is where your heart completely stops. Most people are not as fortunate, and must have their heart shocked back with a defibulator and some do not ever wake up. I was scheduled for heart surgery a month later. To place a pacemaker/defibulator or monitor. They didn't actually know what they would do until the actual surgery. I was also told that I couldn't get pregnant as carrying a baby would put too much strain on my heart. During that month long waiting period, we were contacted concerning a local girl who was planning to put her baby up for adoption and hadn't decided on an adoptive family. I immediately contacted my cardiologist as I was unsure of the recovery time after my impending surgery. We met with the birth family and decided that it was a match! Many of my friends actually encouraged me to decline the offer. They were afraid of the stress it may cause if the plan fell apart as the state of Louisiana allows the birth mother 5 days after the birth to change her mind. After much prayer my husband and I were prepared to go forward. This is something typical God would do-send us a baby while awaiting heart surgery. I used that time to convince myself that I must survive the surgery and get strong enough to be the mother I'd always imagined. The surgery was a success-and my cardiologist found a birth defect in my heart and was able to correct the problem for now. Two weeks into my recovery our daughter Sara-Grace was born, and we were there for the whole thing and brought her home without a nursery prepared! We named her Sara:because she was the one in the Bible who had a child in God's timing. Grace: because it was certainly by God's grace we were given this child. I now take daily medication to maintain a somewhat normal life along with a healthy lifestyle. Since I am unable to hold a full time job, I stay at home with our daughter. This business was solely created for me to find a way I could stay at home, stay well and make some extra money to help pay for the finances we weren't prepared for. After much prayer and thought-I came up with "Graciecakes with Glistening Grace" Please enjoy

Uncertian-but CERTIANLY true...

Well how busy it has been here. We are on the job hunt. Tring to locate a job worth taking- to bring our Daddy home. I am so blessed that I have the man in my life that actually WANTS to be home with me right? I have so many thoughts about such a life changing moment in our lives. As the oil spill in the Gulf has changed so many lifes of families who's jobs were effected-it's strange to think after this many months- that it's still affecting lives. Of all those who have lost their livelyhood just after it happened, and the miltitude of wifes who's husband who could't provide for them- after one spill- and the multitude of children who's daddies didn't have jobs, its hard to imagine that we are potentially in the same perdiciment. Now-after all the layoffs that we survived. Round one- then two and then round three. Of the men who were demoted or "bumped" down or like us-the ones who's hours changed so drastically-these few of us families who survived. We have been so grateful that we just had a daddy with a job. When the 14on and 14 off then switch to 21 on and 21off we remained happy that we just had a "job". The time has come where- a decision has to be made-in weighing-how worth all the effort and time spent away really all is.

Now-that all the rigs are moving overseas-to employee the thousands of non american men-who I am sure need jobs-it's becomming more clear to me that this American woman- wants her American man at home.

As this chapter-in our lives is unfolding, it's kinda scarey to think of walking away. Or waiting til the final layoff finally reaches us. We are all affected. The household conversations that are taking place everywhere right now-I know that our problems seem so small. So even looking at this as just a season of change. The decisions and things that need to be addressed are scarey and so adult-I can't help but to remind myself of how far we have really come. That we are finally old enough to make life changing decisions like this- or to have life altering events make them for us. I am just glad that no matter what happens or what's decided. That I have my family- that at least wants to be together. I know that with so much that is yet undecided-I know that the one thing that IS, is that God will provide. I look around me and remember that God did- provide me with what I needed. He gave me the strength to rise above my health and give me a reason to become strong, He gave me the daughter that I was ALWAYS meant to have, and He gave me the husband that would be strong enough for the both of us on the days that I am not- and He has given me the tangable reminder of my Faith-in this precious gift in Sara-Grace. I can't help but to look around this house, and down the hall at my daughter's room that is finally filled with the baby I had always dreamed of- and with so much uncertianlty-He had given me CERTIAN truth. The TRUTH that He is always with me, and that none of this is by chance. None of any of this is by chance, and that He is the one that is in control. And I am just so grateful that-when moments like this rock my boat-and the waves of doubt rush over me- the calm in the storm is steadfast and true. The Lord is with me....

The 2yrs worth of housework finally has caught up with me...the price I pay for the memories I've made.

you know- I look around this mess of a house- and was getting overwhelmed a bit-wondering how in the world we aquired all this stuff.All this stuff thats not relavant,where did it all come from? I keep pulling things from the cabinets and closets I haven't seen in years, and then it hits me-I remember, for the past two years I have been shoving everything in those cabinets and closets.

Back when I told myself- that these days of Sara-Grace being so small I could rock to sleep- and the days that she's begging for me to hold her-I told myself it would be just a moment in time-that I'd never get back and I wasn't wasting any of those precious moments on house work-the house work would still be there-I'd say: and sure enough, now these days she can put herself to bed- and doesn't need to be held as often, and is becomming more independant has left me more time to actually aknowledge the mess I've closed the door to this entire time. So now, yes now- two years later-I am finally catching up on the past two years of housework-organizing and purging.In the grand scheme of things- that dirty floor, that I chose not to mop-because Sara-Grace said "Mommy hold me" and I did...I'm just so glad I went against my instincts-and I chose the time with my baby-I would so regret looking back now wishing that I'd waited on cleaning the bathroom just to get that one night back to rock her to sleep-I can honestly say-I don't have a moment in Sara-Grace's life I wish I could get back- and do again, I can look back and know I didn't miss anything, I don't wish I'd done anything diffrent, I have cherished every single moment and second that God has given to me with this precious child of mine. I am so grateful to have a husband-who ,didn't demand perfection from me, and who works so hard to provide a life that I can stay home and be here with our baby, if it meant we had to live in a cardboard box-I'd still stay home, to be here with her for every moment I begged God for . So to all the new mothers: yes it's true- the time with your baby is so limited, enjoy and cherish it. The sleepless nights are to be moments you thank God for-when you rock them back to sleep-but as they say "the housework will still be there" and I am a testiment-in the long run it's worth it-but my advice is to plan on budgeting for a maid when your finally ready to get started.lol

Mother's Day in a Hooters shirt...

Sitting on my back steps wearing a Hooter's of New Orleans shirt, I'm watching my husband and daughter use sidewalk chalk-I'm thinking about Mother's Day tomorrow, and thinking it's probably not appropriate to leave my house now in it. Funny-I really didn't know how having children would change your entire way of thinking. Thinking about how you'd embarrass them-or yourself-thinking about "being somebody's mother". Meaning even when I'm out and about with out her-I still have to think"I'm somebodys mother" and so I gotta dress and act like it-when shes with me or not. I like the best of them-like flattering cloths, and"good fitted"tops, and never minded showing off what "God let me buy" but-I don't know if it's finding GOd again, or being the mother or both, or maybe getting old, but I'm glad to have someone to embarrass, and I like having to sensor my conversationsa dn tv-because without all the little things,like the broken up crayons and undressed baby dolls that lay naked all over my house, and the pile of stinky diapers that stay outside my door almost all the time-It would mean I didn't have this...all this-looking around, THIS is exactly what I asked for.

Jealous or Just on my own...

Its seems like when my Justin comes home- I'm busier than ever-I thought it would be the other way around, where I'd get a break. But No...I am happy when he's home though, he is truly my best friend and I can tell him anything. Really-we tell eachother everything. This go round,we made a promise to not have any secrets, and so we are not bound by the lies that we so often tell ourself to try and justify our actions. I love that about him. I have heard from other friends that are married that do not tell eachother everything-and I used to fit in that catagory.you know this year we will have been together as longs as we were apart, meaning we were just 15 when we started dating-and being thirty this next year-it's hard to believe it's been that long.But to stand the test of time-we must be doing something right. I imagine it's our friendship. It's hard when he's at work-because I don't have him at my disposal-and til now,have depended mostly on my parents. But my parents seem to be busy with their own lifes,and I have been shifted to the back of the priority list. It's occured to me that reaching this milestone, that one would have expected it sooner-but truthfully-I did'nt expect it at all. I was the type person when everything eventfull happened to me-I called my dear mother to share the news. Our family dynamic has changed though and although I totally understand why,I am suprised and hurt. I'm sure some don't have pity for me-but you have to admit,that it's reasonable for me to feel shafted. To spare you all the details, my mother had us three kids by her first husband. My father-her second husband-adopted me when I was younger-and I was raised like an only child. My brother and sister are 11 and 15 years older than me, and have had kids of their own a long time ago-so we have never had too much in common, until I got Sara-Grace. In fact I remember my highschool graduation and my sister flew in from Misourri and I had some of my own friends say-"I didn't know you had a sister" such as the story of my life. But now for whatever reason-my brothers two oldest children are living with my parents-and bless their hearts-need all the attention I imagine. I have to say though I feel shafted. I will go to my parents house-and it seems like there is an argument every time I go-and it's always "my fault" usually my "attitude". I continued to go over-and call. But as of this morning-it's finally dawned on me that I am growing up. I have a friend that I said I knew was brought into my life because she was so much like me-in her own way we had alot in common. I always have said that I knew she was a part of my life because when I lost my mother-she'd be the one I talk to. I sopose she'd be the one to call over my stupid little funny things. But this morning-it came to me that it might be that God sent her to me for this moment right here. I am soposed to be in a meeting in a few hours and she was soposed to come with me-my mother that is-and she informed me this morning that she was busy with something else today. Now why she couldn't have told me this yesterday or the day before when I was over there-I do not know. So after spending the morning in tears I have decided that I will pick myself by my bootstraps-and depend on God. I think that I am definatly sad over my mom- and I feel like she owed me an explaination-and I know she's been put in an odd situation-but I can't help but feel resentful. I am resentful to my brother for getting to the point that he would allow his children to life with anyone other than himself-and to put the responsibility on "my" parents financially and "time" wise was selfish. I am very angry at him- and I don't know in light of everythin thats gone one- if I will ever be able to forgive him. But I must say that I feel resentful tward his kids. Aweful-I know. but it's the truth. They are "my" parents. It seems like ever since they have had the kids(who are teenagers by the way) they are too busy for me. The thing is- that one of my concerns-is the fact that my parents will spend all this energy and then later have the rug pulled out from under them. Again. I mean-my parents have never had the relationship between my siblings-as they have with me, and I have been used to it. Why shouldn't I be. I have been the number one priority for how many years now-and the apple so to speak of both their eyes- but now I feel like theyv'e moved on. My worldly side- and my natural reaction is to be vindictive-and angry-and keep my child from attending the preschool where my mother teaches. And my reaction is to be mad at all of them-I do feel like Iv'e had a loss though. I am grieving this loss of my childhood-which seems to have all started with the dumb dog. I'm saying that since my dear Angel went onto be with the Lord- I have been resisting the change. The change in the perception of my life. The dog represented the child like me- she was a part of my every memory with my husband. Whn I've been alone- even though I have another dog- I depended on her to keep me company. 14 years worth of company- and whn I moved to Illinois a few years I did have to go for a brief time without her-but I eventually brought her along. So in essence the dog was my saftey net. Now I kinda feel like I'm alone. I will recognize that the Holy Spirt is telling me that I am not alone. And I can do this- I can be the mother of this house. Like my husband said- I am the one that he and Sara-Grace depend on. And as much as I depended on my parents- now I have to be the "mother". I am the glue that hold "this family" together. Like my husband said we are a family. We are my family. This is my family. here-is where I belong. being the backbone of this household- and isn't that our goal. In most instances-what we all want to achieve. I did anyway-I wanted to be the housewife-and the mother. I always said that's what I wanted to be- and now, it's just now occured to me that- instead of me "becomming" this mom-this wife-and this glue that holds "this family" together-I already "AM"...

The adult me-that's evolving-sometimes suprises even me...

If I could make a face using a colon and parenthesis showing you my fingers in my ears and steam coming out behind them, with my eyes quenched up and my tongue out- I would be beginning this post with one...

Don't ask me why- because I've asked myself and I can't seem to really answer my own question. I'm at a place currently - where, I have really been adjusting to the changes in my household. I have no longer my constant companion- (my dead dog-Angel) and now for the first time in nearly 14years am adjusting to NOT having my first born furry child.

It seems that every thing sad in my life, the loss of the two pregnancy's the loss of my fertility, my health and the loss of some friendships and family members in the last 8-10years have all just accumulated and I haven't dealt with any of the sadness or loss until now. I feel like for the first time in my life- that I have had to take some accountability for my actions.With the loss of our shared dog- it's the end of an era, the end of the child like part of ourselves and our relationship. The loss of Angel-is the end of us as kids- and the beginning to being parents to a human baby this go round, and being the grown up versions of ourselves.

It's easy for me to always blame my husband for all my craziness when we were in college-meaning: I was very sheltered until I met him- he taught me many ways of the world, and I often will convince myself that I would have never jumped off the deep end- if he hadn't first. So there has been a level of accountability that I have not taken accountability for. So it seems that somehow- in loosing our dog, it has triggered something in me. I don't know if it's the act of making the first real adult decision in having her put to sleep and having done that has aided me into feeling more adult minded. It was a very grown up decision to decide to do that (how's that for a "run on" sentence?!) But nonetheless- I've been giving my past a little review, and realizing that I need to take ownership for my past decisions, good and bad.

And in this prayerful meditation- the Holy Spirit keeps reminding me that "once you are saved-you are always saved" Once you are a parent- you have unconditional love for your child- and now I can see how God has unconditional love for us as His children. So in taking a look at my prior convictions- as the devil tries to tell me-I'm worthless-and not good, and damaged merchandise. The Lord keeps reminding me that I AM as pure as the freshly fallen snow. That His Son He sent to us- washed me clean of anything I could ever regret or be embarrassed or feel guilty for. So as my flesh wants to harbor on the negative things, and beat myself up- and tell myself I do not deserve this life or my child or my marriage, the Lord keeps instilling in me- that I am forgiven- all has been forsaken,and since Jesus has taken my sin and my embarrassment and my guilt- I have nothing to be shameful of. So I can be joyful in the Lord, I can be joyful for what I do have, and I do not owe anything to be able to live freely. I don't have to sit and wonder when the rug will be pulled out from under us- and these blessings will be snatched away from us. God has forgiven me-and the debt has been paid- and I as the child of God that I am- do not owe any debts because my Father bailed me out already..."There is joy in the presence of the angels of God when one sinner changes his heart and his life." Luke 15:10 NCV.(my daily devotional today- funny how God gives you what you need- when you need it)

I am realizing that being grown- isnt the number-age you are. Its the amount of hard stuff you have to do. Like it ALL falls on ME to clean my house-and I am getting together all my junk for a garage sale and wiping the house out-anything not used in 2months is gone! You think I'm joking? Not-No No I'm Not!!

You know it's this way... I was holding onto so much "stuff" I thought the "sin" would be to sell it after I selfishly bought it at some ridiculus price etc- so Ive held onto everything- and since I didnt carry a baby- I can still fit into cloths from highschool-10yrs later I may add..whhoo hoo So it dawned on me the other day that it would be a sin- so to speak to keep all this when there really are people that need it. And I have grown in my spiritual journey since I hit 29ys old,lol and I know all I need is Christ and the family and I can walk anywhere with the cloths on my back, and God will provide. You know recently there have been some things that have come up-that have really made me stop and think about it all. And I really realized I am NOT scared anymore. I'm not scared to go anywhere-now I avoid harmful things of course but I am not scared to walk into a room and just talk to anyone-because I feel like God willl lead me to the conversation I was soposed to have with them,and now that we have put Angel down-I am experiencing-a shift-so to speak. The last 14 years, when Justin is gone for work or any reason. I always had Angel- to hear a "booger" comming and protect me. And now the house is so very quiet-and I find myself sitting in the quiet making stuff up that I hear- and get scared. Its occured to me this last night that God wants me to rely on Him again. So when I am alone-I am soposed to ask HIm for help-and rely on Him and not the dog. Which is weird to do-because its almost like what on earth will God do if someone breaks into my house and kills me, dont get any ideas-you pyscos that are reading this. But God may not come rushing to my aid-but that person will be judged. They will have to be acocuntable to God-and I can let Him take care of that. So eventually they would be causght- and if not here on earth, they will when they meet their maker-remembering to the "time change" in heaven: its only a blip in time before we all Get to heaven-and so when you think about all these people that are free-walking around doing crimes-and unchristian things. Its sometimes agravating to think they do what they want and get away with it- or for so long-but now that I think about it...it's just a few minutes here we spend on earth to God-but eternity is forever.

Go Red Barbie-?

So I was dressed like the Go Red Barbie Doll for Shreveport, Louisiana's American Heart Association Campaign "Go Red" for women. The deal is: I bought my dress a long time ago-because I fell in love with it. Then I was given the Go Red doll as a gift because -I was a big Go Red fan and supposedly looked enough like a Barbie doll. Then when I realized that MY dress was like the Barbie dress I thought it was too weird. So after all the events I've spoken at and the attention I am tring to get toward "young" women and heart disease-I think I've found my niche. The fact is:it's kinda strange that I look enough like the doll in the first place with that dress-but to actually have a survival story of me and my journey through heart disease and the cardiac arrest-I kind of feel like-I should be the real spokes person-not only for Shreveport media but for the Barbie company itself- Its certainly not me that I want the attention for-I want to have a face to heart disease that is young enough to make a difference. The fact of the matter is- They are always so surprised that I am the one who is a survivor which cracks me up because- I suppose it's society's impression that people with chronic illnesses have to look like rag dolls and not Barbie dolls, but I feel like the rag doll on the inside sometimes. I know that it may sound conceded but its not meant to be. I am realizing God has given me this whole package as a gift and He expects me to tell the world-about His Grace and love and answering prayers-and secondly sharing the story of survival and bringing awareness to the heart associations. So here's the plan: I am posting my speech that I stood on the stage and read in front of 400 guest and media, and I know that God gave me these words and told me what to say-if He wants this to be my platform to the public so that they will listen to my story in order to "hear" all the things I say about how God is my reason I survived and how God is the only reason I have been given my daughter, the fact that God sent me our little girl just weeks after my cardiac arrest and heart surgery-I know to give me a reason to want to be alive. The heartbreak I felt over the miscarriages and the infertility and the endometriousis and the fact that I couldn't have the one thing I wanted-a child, was the worst heartache there was for me-the irony that my heart literally was breaking while getting the final diagnosis and the news that I couldn't pursue the pregnancy we had tried so hard for-our journey through the adoption process and the legal hoops we had to all jump through in order to be able to bring this baby girl home from the hospital with only weeks of learning of her existence, its all a miracle-its all Gods doing-and how can I NOT share my story?So if this is the door God is opening for me to use -I have to walk on through it. It's not for the glory of myself-its not to be held on a stage and fawned over and told how much I look like the Barbie doll-but some people might think it would be-but I am willing to be the vessel that God can use to share the word and love of Christ. Without Him-I wouldn't even be alive,and I wouldn't be a mother. So below I will post my short speech, so read on.-So here goes nothing-Here's to looking like every little girls dream-even if it is a "heart disease" Barbie doll. Ha! So Morgan Fairchild- spoke first, then a few others and then me-So with as little time I had on the stage at the luncheon-I had to manage and make the most crucial points-but remember if you need to fill yourself in on the whole long version of the story-it's all on facebook- Graciecakes with Glistening Grace.

Hello-my name is Megan Heiserman McIntyre and I'm from here, in Shreveport. I know some of you have heard my story, but some of you haven't. It's important to understand as you see me stand before you dressed like this Barbie Doll, looking young and vibrant; underneath this I am struggling to survive with heart disease. I stand here strong enough to be your Go Red Barbie today but only after a long journey to get here.I want to remind you that things aren't always what they seem and appearances can be deceiving. Heart disease is becoming known as the "silent killer" among women but today I want to break the silence and give a voice and face to the definition of Heart Disease. At 21 I was diagnosed with a heart condition after symptoms of fatigue,dizziness,and blurred vision prompted me to see my doctor. With no family history, we were certainly surprised at the lifestyle changes I would have to make and the amount of medication I would take on a daily basis. 24 months ago, I was behind the wheel of my car when I suddenly lost consciousness with no warning. I later found out I was one of the lucky 5% that survive a "sudden cardiac arrest". I was scheduled for heart surgery a month later and told that I would never be able to pursue my dream of carrying my own child. At the age of just 26, I suffered a "sudden cardiac arrest", had heart surgery and adopted our miracle baby girl who gave me strength to survive the surgery and work almost daily in cardiac rehab to regain my strength, so that I could be the mother I always wanted. God has a purpose for me to tell this story. That it can happen to anyone at any age and can drastically change your life. The Shreveport American Heart Association has been instrumental in raising money for research such as our own LSU med center and finding out ways to prevent heart disease in young women and in giving medication to the people like me who's lives depend on that research. The Heart Association is a vital part of that research and in educating the public on the new standards of heart disease in young women. I urge you today to consider the possibility that my story could be your story or your mother,sister or friend. Please help us raise money to continue this research for Shreveport Survivors like me. Thank you.

Our beloved Angel is returning home...

wow- where do I begin? The easy story is that Justin and I met in HS at Evangel when we were 15 years old- by the following Christmas we were 16 and he bought me a puppy with a bow around her neck for my present- of course he'd done his research and planned a big dog for my protection when we would eventually move to college and grow up etc- then he researched the fact that labs temperment was good for kids for the fact that we would have kids some day when we grew up- and she was soposed to stay with him and his family week days and come to my house when Justin came. As a puppy and a lab of course she chewed everything- and one day Justin called and said he was done- I either had to come get her to live with me and my parents or he was giving her away-I know hed never have done that but nonetheless my mother and I drove out to Justin and his moms to pick up our beloved pet. Then she became a fixture in our home. So all through HS we had our shared dog and she was our child- and we took her everywhere. Then the day came for college- and Justin went onto live in Illinois before me since he had to start football that summer and when I follwed- the places in Illinois didnt allow pets- since it was a college town the only places that were available renting spaces were further away from the school and more expensive and had waiting list- so I went without her. Then Angel stayed with my parents in the port city. 6months without her and we finally got the condo wed been waiting on and were so excited to finally bring her home to us- all the many many 15hours or 18hr road trips to Illinois and Shreveport and Misourri time after timeAngel went along. I have never been on a road trip that Ive not taken her- when we go to hotels we take her- she is our child. Then we got Angel a dog-that was the maltiese Bruizer. long story there- but nonetheless he was a rescue-so Angel had always been considered a child and Bruizer the pet. So then when Justin and I were apart for that bit both dogs stayed with me. Then Angel was diagnosed with Breast cancer- even though she had been spayed and her chances were slim in the first place- she got breast cancer- so since at that time we had been angery with one another we wernt speaking regularly and when she was diagnosed I was so upset that I called him to share the news. I was thinking that she would die within days and that he deserved to see her and spend some time with her as well- so continued months of joint custody with our dog. Every weekend he was to meet me to pick her up and by weekends end he dropped her off and so on and so on. Then as each time we met- we started talking a bit more and more and each visit that we were exchanging the dogs bed and bowls and medicines and such we were rebuilding the marriage that I thought we had destroyed. We because of Angel- were forced to get along "for the children" and forced to talk and see eachother and I let him into my life a bit more and more each time- then finally came the day we offically were moving back into together and living as the McIntyre family again- and Angel was so happy to be reunited in our california king sized bed right between us. We have always bought our cars- with her in mind- was her black hair gonna stick to tan interior? So I have always gotten black- the the bed size- I thought about Justin being 300lbs football player and Angel and Bruizer sleeping with us so we opted for the california king sized bed to fit us all in. Then our funiture and sheet sand everything has always been planned around Angel. Every year we have been suprised that it was another year with our Angel-Then as her cancer progressed so came the tumors and eventually the cancer spread to her bones and the vet said it was all out of her control and Angel still kept trucking. Shes been hanging on this whole time- now in pain, and skinny from nutrition issues and loosing her hair she stays misrable and uncomfortable and sometimes cant breath and pants constantly because she has so many tumors inside her body-that she is running out of room, she has the seizure like twitches and cant ever get comfortable and its obvious that shes misrable, she grunts and moans and shakes and scratches and pants and sometimes latley has accidents in the house. Its been a few years of pretty hard work to keep her comfortable and with us- but she is our first born child. We introduced Angel to her little sister "Sara-Grace " when we brought her home the first time- and now after so many many months of this we finally are both mutually agreeing that its time. We always said from the begininng that if we both felt like it needed to be done we had to agree on it-and we have sat on this decision awhile. I have spent countless months in tearful prayer begging God to take her in her sleep- I would cry out to God to please please please dont make me do this and just take her peacfully in the night- and night after night it hasnt happened- and its come to a point where we have trouble leaving the house- when we leave sometimes even a minute theres an accident of some sort or a mess shes made or something shes gotten into- the yelling and fussing at her because all the training and smarts she used to have she acts like she never knew because she cant see or hear us very well-
So as tears are falling from my eyes while I write this- I am finally announcing out loud that we have made an appointment for Angel to meet her maker on Saterday. So after years of joking we have always said she could have all the choclate and fast food and all the stuff dogs are not soposed to have before wed have to do this and true to our word we will spend all day tomorrow letting her eat til her hearts content, and making the local roundfor our families to say their goodbyes. I cant understand why God makes us go through this-I struggle with the guilt I feel over telling myself I am murdering my child- and I am a horrible person for doing this to her although I know I am actually doing this for her and because I want her to be healed and whole again in heaven. So this weekend- we will spend with our family- in tearful goodbyes and talking about memories . And Saterday morning we will drive to my parents to take Sara-Grace to stay while we take Angel to the vet. The plan is to stay with her but I dont know how I can do this and stay calm- I dont want to upset her and make her panic-but I cant help knowing she will never wake back up-so as Jusitn pointed out, its another first for us. So many things we have only experienced together-we started this journey with her and now we have to finish together. My God I cry out to you for peace in my spirit and peace for my husband and our families- God please give me the strength to be there with her as she falls asleep and please give us peace when when come home to the quiet house. Please heal our broken hearts as we come back home to pack up her bowls and cloths and beds and give us the strength to lean on eachother. God heal my heart- because it is breaking. God make me whole again because I feel like a part of me is being torn out of me and I ask you to remind me of how much good and how many things we have to be happy about and over the next few days and weeks and months I ask- when everyone else forgets about her- and has moved onto never remember her with us- I ask that you allow us to look fondly on our memories we have shared with her. We thank you for all the years we have had with this Angel of ours and thank you for the calm spirit she has provided for our household when we needed it- we thank you for the common bond we share with her and the active role she played in putting this family back together. God as hard as this is- I ask you to take her home.

Grace-by the grace of god I AM good enough!!!!

You know that we have been throught quite alot, God has given us so much- He has restored our marriage, from when I thought our mistakes were unmendable and the hurt we'd caused. Then now to be still standing the test of time- and in just 8 more months celebrating our 10 years of being married to eachother. Then to find out that my health was the way it was and although that hasn't changed-God has allowed me to learn how to put the tradegy of bad health to good use- and educate women and the statistics of heart disase and then to find out that the pregnancy we had tried so much for and spent so many hours in the fertility clinic and so much of our money to find out that after half way through our exciting time of expecting our baby-that we would ultimatly not be ending that pregnancy with a child. Then to be told that we wouldn't be able to be a couple to bring children into conventionally-to having Sara-Grace thrown into our hearts. Not to mention-our home, we own, our cars we own, and all our worldly possesions that are paid for without oweing any debt to any credit card companies or lawyers or anyone. To be just sitting back and able to enjoy eachother and our child and be able to give back to God by doing what He has asked of us- by all of us: to simply lead others to him
My husband, Justin asked me. Do I ever wonder why we have been given so much? When we have done so much wrong? Meaning the peroid of time we did everything possible to eachother to destroy our marriage when we were younger- why. When we had sinned so terribly and been so wrong and both fallen so far away from God. Why? Why now would we have so much-and why now after all that wrong-would all our prayers be being answered now? What have we done to deserve any of this? I said but Justin- thats the point. We ARE the defination of GRACE. God gave us Grace- because He knew we'd never be perfect enough to come to Him alone- that we all would need the forgiveness and the blood Jesus shed for us- that WE, OUR story and our past-had to be aweful and we have to have so much shame and guilt or we wouldn't understand the sacrifice that God really did do for us-in giving us His son. I was explaining that- now- I'm starting to understand that church and God isn't about- filling out your head count- and making sure you are accounted for in your church pew every sunday- that it doesnt matter where you are- and thats why I alternate between 3 diffrent area churches depending on my mood- because I don't care who is preaching and I don't care who sees me and where I am- because the reason I go- is so that I can be in the house of God and I can stand in a place where I know He is present and I can let myself fill my spirit back up with all the goodnesss you feel when you do go-I go to fuel my tank so that I can go back out into this world the rest of the week and feel prepared to fight the temptation and spiritual warfare that I will be up against the next week. I reminded him that sure, we have a gas station that we frequent up the street- that we have a favorite place thats close that we'd rather go to- but we run out of gas all over town- and we have to stop and fill up our tank every where- and it doesn't really matter when it all boils down gas is all gas- whether it's Shell or Chrevron. And its between me and God- its about me and God- and church isn't about making sure you sit in that chair on your best behavior, and having to only attend church if you DIDN'T sin all week-church- is just the place - we congregate,together as individual sinners- to knee before God and admit that we sinned the week before and to praise Him for giving us this gift of GRACE to allow us to walk in His presence. So yes- as you may sit here and know our own personal journey- and you may think back on your own personal sin and think that you are not able to go before God -remember thats exactally what He wants of us- to come and be before Him. Me and Justin and all the bad things we have ever done in our lifetime -or all the good deeds we do accompliish-or awards or donations or charity work we do-do not dictate whether or not God will love us- Come to Him as you are and by the GRACE of God we are all covered...

story of my life

It's been awhile since I've had the time to write- I'll try and be better about that-but it's been crazy here the past few days.
Between the Mardi Gras Parade parties, and the new neighbors moving in next door- opening and closing their doors every few seconds outside my bedroom window, and the poor old dog of ours having her seizures and SG waking up and cring for me to hold her I am only getting a few hours of sleep- I feel so exausted as it is- I mean come on!!! Cant I catch a break and at least get a good night's rest- not having 8-9hours of sleep really sets me off-I cannot function I feel like I can't breath, and sitting up- I have trouble catching my breath feeling like I can't take a deep breath at all, then whenever I do anything- remotly useful- I get so tired I have to lie down again- so yes- I need all that beauty rest. I'm not being high maintiance, well not superficially anyway.
Wouldn't you know last week- Justin still drives his old silverado from highschool and its what he will drive to work and park there for the three weeks- and its already falling apart- the window is not functioning and you have to crack it so it wont rattle, then the seat wont lock in place so when I drive it- I put a cinder block in the floor board to prop the seat still from sliding- once I was driving and when I hit the gas going up a hill my seat flew back and my foot fell off the gas- and I was so far back I couldnt reach the pedals and was holding on the steering wheel tring to pull my weight forward and reach the petal so I could go because by that point the crowd behind me was honking for me to go- so needless to say- Its the work truck, we drive my little car mostly. So the brakes decide to stop working well the other day - and wouldnt you know all the brake fluid was leaking out and as long as we could keep the brake fluid in there- it was fine because it was a slow leak but this happened the day before he was leaving which didnt leave us time to get it fixed and he decided to drive it anyway and just refil the fluid frequently til he gets home- so Justin was running his errands to go to work-he had been out getting gas , brake fluid etc and stopped to get us some McDonalds and brought it home- he was soposed to pick up a perscription as well while he was out- and when he walked in the door-I asked where it was, he said "hed forgotten it but since it was just up the road-he would run get it" he took my car which was behind blocking his in-so SG and I were going to wait for him to be back and eat- so there sat our food. Then he calls me and said that he had just been hit-right down at the stop sign by our house- I mean he got 12 houses away- was minding his own business at the stop sign about to turn and a girl pulled out and got t-boned in front of him and slid into the front end of my car- wouldn't you know. So he's down there with the police etc- and I wasn't gonna drive the truck since he hadn't put the fluid in it yet for the brakes so I packed SG up in the stroller and we headed down the block to see how bad it was. The poor girls car was totaled- tottally crushed in the pasenger side- and the guy who hit her's truck wasnt in too bad of shape but then my poor cars fron end on the driver side had been pushed in and the bumber totally shot- it is still drivable but the door is jammed and you have to pull it open and now its all rattling and of course the bumber is draging the ground, but its drivable! So we finish all our paper work and they said I could see the report in 3days at the station-because would't you know- this means that I wil be taking care of going to the police station and getting a report and taking it to my insurance carriers and then finding a place to fix my car and getting it fixed without a car to drive all with SG under foot all while Justin is gone- wouldnt you know it would happen to me that way-So now come Monday hopefully I can get something acomplished and the ball rolling on getting it fixed- and it will all be done before Justin returns-and once again the mess will be all cleaned up for him, must be nice- so the past few days with all this going on- I've been slightly stressed which sucks the life right out of me- and leaves me tired and now having had my flu shot and feeling flu"ey" from that and the sleepless nights-I swear....its the story of my life. At least Ive had a chance to get my nails done- thats nice with no make up on and my hair in a bun pulled on top of my head and still in my pjs I can look down at my nails and see how pretty my french manicure is- that makes me feel better, even if everything else is falling apart-my nails look nice.